Thursday, 17 June 2021

Album Review: WHILE SHE SLEEPS - Sleeps Society

 


01. Enlightenment(?)
02. You Are All You Need
03. Systemtic
04. Nervous
05. PYAI
06. Know Your Worth (Somebody)
07. No Defeat For The Brave
08. Division Street
09. Sleeps Society
10. Call Of The Void
11. DN3 3HT

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Sunday, 13 June 2021

Album Review: EVANESCENCE - The Bitter Truth

 


01. Artifact/The Turn
02. Broken Pieces Shine
03. The Game Is Over
04. Yeah Right
05. Feeding The Dark
06. Wasted On You
07. Better Without You
08. Use My Voice
09. Take Cover
10. Far From Heaven
11. Part Of Me
12. Blind Belief

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Saturday, 12 June 2021

Album Review: KISS - Off The Soundboard - Tokyo 2001

 


01. Detroit Rock City
02. Deuce
03. Shout It Out Loud
04. Talk To Me
05. I Love It Loud
06. Firehouse
07. Do You Love Me
08. Calling Dr. Love
09. Heaven's On Fire
10. Let Me Go, Rock 'n' Roll
11. Shock Me / Guitar Solo
12. Psycho Circus

01. Lick It Up / Bass Solo
02. God Of Thunder / Drum Solo
03. Cold Gin
04. 100,000 Years
05. Love Gun
06. I Still Love You
07. Black Diamond
08. I Was Made For Lovin' You
09. Rock And Roll All Nite

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Wednesday, 2 June 2021

Album Review: BURNING WITCHES - The Witch Of The North


01. Winter's Wrath
02. The Witch Of The North
03. Tainted Ritual
04. We Stand As One
05. Flight Of The Valkyries
06. The Circle Of Five
07. Lady Of The Woods
08. Thrall
09. Omen
10. Nine Worlds
11. For Eternity
12. Dragon's Dream
13. Eternal Frost
14. Hall Of The Mountain King (Savatage cover)

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Tuesday, 1 June 2021

Album Review: ROYAL BLOOD - Typhoons

 


01. Trouble's Coming
02. Oblivion
03. Typhoons
04. Who Needs Friends
05. Million And One
06. Limbo
07. Either You Want It
08. Boilermaker
09. Mad Visions
10. Hold On
11. All We Have Is Now
12. Space (Bonus Track)
13. King (Bonus track)

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Monday, 31 May 2021

Album Review: SUMO CYCO - Initiation

 


01. Love You Wrong
02. Bystander
03. Vertigo
04. Bad News
05. No Surrender
06. M.I.A.
07. Cyclone
08. Run With The Giants
09. Overdrive
10. Power & Control
11. The Dance Is Doomed
12. Awakened (Bonus track)

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Wednesday, 26 May 2021

Album Review: HERMAN FRANK - Two For A Lie

 


01. Teutonic Order
02. Venom
03. Hate
04. Eye Of The Storm
05. Liar
06. Hail The New Kings
07. Just A Second To Lose
08. Danger
09. Stand Up And Fight
10. Open Your Mind

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Tuesday, 25 May 2021

Album Review: DIAMANTE - American Dream

 


01. American Dream
02. Ghost Myself
03. Serves You Right
04. Obvious
05. Unlovable
06. Wake Up Call
07. UnFuCk YoU
08. I Love Myself For Hating You
09. Iris (Feat. Breaking Benjamin) [Goo Goo Dolls cover]
10. Hopeless
11. Obvious (Acoustic)

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Monday, 24 May 2021

Movie Review: ARMY OF THE DEAD (2021)

 



OK, so I submitted to the hype and watched Army Of The Dead on Netflix last night. I'd seen mixed reviews online from people I know, so I went in with low-to-middle expectations, especially as I've been disappointed with most of director Zack Snyder's recent DC movies (bar the new cut of Justice League- I haven't seen that yet. I'm). 

I'm going to put my head above the parapet and let you all know that I loved it. I'm a big fan of zombie films, dystopias, and heist movies too, so this, being a mish-mash of those genres, really appealed to me. I felt that the mix and the execution was spot on, making this a roller-coaster of action, horror, comedy, thinly veiled socio-political commentary. 

Spoilers head.

The story starts with the military transporting an unknown 'thing' in convoy. After a road accident, the 'thing' is released and is revealed to be a humanoid-zombie type creature who kills the soldiers, instantly bringing them back to life as his undead crew, and then heads off to nearby Las Vegas where chaos ensues. 

Las Vegas, now over-run with zombies, has been sealed off and survivors who aren't showing symptoms are being kept in a refugee camp just outside of the city walls. Muscleman Dave Bautista's character, who was a zombie-killing badass in the fist part of the movie, is now flipping burgers for a living in another city (not sure why he wasn't kept in the refugee camp, but let's just go with it). He's approached by a Japanese business man / gangster who offers him a load of money to assemble a team to break into Las Vegas, raid a safe full of cash, and escape via helicopter before the city is nuked.

Army Of The Dead clocks in at nearly two and a half hours, but thanks to the quick pacing, doesn't feel anything like as long as that. There's plenty of welcome character development, so I actually felt something for the team as opposed to watching under-developed nobodies in peril, where it's more interesting to watch them get torn apart than survive. There's also an interesting take on the core of 'alpha zombies' who are fast, show intelligence, and present as much more deadly adversaries than the generic moaning slow corpses we're used to. This provided a subtle Mad Max vibe which I though was fun.

As with any Horror movie, there will always be countless people who hate it or are overly critical. Army Of The Dead isn't Shakespeare. It's not supposed to be. OK, so there are a few plot holes. So what? It has an awesome undead tiger! I thought it was great fun and a fresh spin on the zombie genre which has been mostly done to death.

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Album Review: TETRARCH - Unstable

 

01. I'm Not Right
02. Negative Noise
03. Unstable
04. You Never Listen
05. Sick Of You
06. Take A Look Inside
07. Stitch Me Up
08. Addicted
09. Pushed Down
10. Trust Me

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Sunday, 23 May 2021

Album review: GOJIRA - Fortitude

 


01. Born For One Thing
02. Amazonia
03. Another World
04. Hold On
05. New Found
06. Fortitude
07. The Chant
08. Sphinx
09. Into The Storm
10. The Trails
11. Grind

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Saturday, 22 May 2021

Album Review: THE OFFSPRING - Let The Bad Times Roll

 


01. This Is Not Utopia
02. Let The Bad Times Roll
03. Behind Your Walls
04. Army Of One
05. Breaking These Bones
06. Coming For You
07. We Never Have Sex Anymore
08. In The Hall Of The Mountain King
09. The Opioid Diaries
10. Hassan Chop
11. Gone Away
12. Lullaby

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Friday, 21 May 2021

Album Review: BLUTENGEL - Fountain Of Destiny



01. The Wild Boys [Duran Duran cover]
02. Forever Young [Alphaville cover]
03. Hymn [Ultravox cover]
04. Down in the Park [Tubeway Army cover]
05. Alone [Heart cover]
06. Silent Running [Mike & The Mechanics cover]
07. Nobody’s Diary [Yazoo cover]
08. Dr. Mabuse [Propaganda cover]
09. The Sun Always Shines on TV (Blutengel Version) [A-Ha cover]
10. Ship of Fools [Erasure cover]
11. Unsere Zeit
12. Journey To The Edge Of The Night

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Thursday, 22 April 2021

Album Review: CANNIBAL CORPSE - Violence Unimagined

 


01. Murderous Rampage
02. Necrogenic Resurrection
03. Inhumane Harvest
04. Condemnation Contagion
05. Surround, Kill, Devour
06. Ritual Annihilation
07. Follow the Blood
08. Bound and Burned
09. Slowly Sawn
10. Overtorture
11. Cerements of the Flayed

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Wednesday, 21 April 2021

About: LESBIAN BED DEATH - The Witching Hour

 


My band Lesbian Bed Death is about to release its seventh studio album, 'The Witching Hour'.  It's certainly a clich├ę when you hear a musician tell the world that his band's upcoming album is their best one yet! However, please believe me when I say that this really is our best album so far. It encompasses everything the band is, as well as exploring new avenues and pushing the envelope, so to speak. 

As you have probably gathered, I'm extremely proud to be a part of The Witching Hour, so please indulge me as I share some thoughts about it. 

If you remember, our friend Steve Lethal (a nickname he acquired many years ago due to his obsession with the Racer X album, Street Lethal) played some lead guitar on our previous album Born To Die On VHS. What we also found out after releasing that record was that Steve had gotten heavily into engineering, mixing and mastering.. He fully remixed and remastered the whole of Born To Die On VHS during the pandemic, making it sound more like how I originally wanted it to be. This is now the version on Spotify and Bandcamp, with the original mix only being available on the first pressing of the CD. It was very clear to me that we had to make our next studio album with Steve as the producer and lead guitarist.

Anyway, towards the end of 2019, we started writing together towards what would become this new album. Obviously, making a record during a global pandemic complicated matters. With the rules in the UK changing, what felt like on a regular basis, we weren't always able to get together when we wanted to, and had to sometimes share ideas online. However, a benefit of the pandemic was that we were able to focus on the music without the distraction of upcoming gigs. We used the extra time wisely and have made an album that I couldn't be more pleased with.

The Witching Hour's artwork was done by Scott Jackson of Monsterman Graphics. He did the last album, and I was keen to get him back to do this new one. You can see why. How cool is that cover? I gave him this ridiculous, over the top brief and he totally nailed it. I wanted the vibe of Ozzy Osbourne's Ultimate Sin album cover (without the crap Ozzy dragon), and got that. Each of the witches represents the musical influences that make up the band's sound. One is a bit more punk, one more Goth, and the middle one is Hard Rock/Heavy Metal. Scott really brought the idea to life and his artwork has captured the spirit of the band perfectly.

So, let's talk about the songs.

 

01. THE  SCORPION

This was the first track we wrote, and is a real hard rocker with a gothic tinge. Imagine if Kiss and Paradise Lost (two of my favourite bands) wrote a song together. That sounds like a ludicrous combination, but it's a fairly accurate description. Regardless, I love this song. Lyrically, I was initially inspired by the TV show Penny Dreadful, but ended up making up a brand new occult character. It fits with the over-all 'witchy' vibe of the album, and is a great high-energy opener.

 

02. BREAKFAST AT TISIPHONE'S

This song started off as a bass line. I sent it to Steve and he recorded a version on guitar with power chords, and it sounded a bit like a Hardcore song. 'Breakfast' is fast and heavy, but has a melodic chorus juxtaposed with the brutality, kinda like what The Misfits and The Wildhearts (two more of my favourite bands) often do. The title is a play on 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'. Tisiphone was one of the Furies in Greek mythology, a deity of the underworld, and was all about vengeance and destruction. This is possibly the angriest song we've ever recorded, and a soundtrack to revenge.

03. SABRINA

Everyone who knows me is aware that I'm a huge fan of Horror. I also love trashy teen dramas. Naturally, I absolutely I adored The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina when it came out on Netflix. It wouldn't be a proper Lesbian Bed Death album without some songs about Horror movies or related characters, so having a song about Sabrina the Teenage Witch seemed like a plan! Musically, this is one of our heaviest songs ever, and is full-on 'crushing'. 

04. THE WITCHING HOUR

This is us re-visiting our Gothic Rock roots. I wanted a song that was contemporary, but felt like classic Goth at the same time, as well as being a potential dancefloor filler at Rock clubs. I feel a little cocky saying it, but we achieved those things.

 

05. BRING OUT YOUR DEAD

This song started with a guitar riff Aimee wrote at a rehearsal while she was waiting for me to pick up Luci4 from the train station. I filmed it on my phone and we forgot all about it. Steve and I built a song around this riff, which we used for the chorus, and it came together fairly quickly. It's a catchy Horror Punk song. Lyrically, I wanted another Halloween anthem, and the term 'Bring Out Your Dead' could also be interpreted as 'come out in your fancy dress costumes'. That was the idea anyway. Bring Out Your Dead is great fun and I'm sure that it will become a live favourite.

06. TOXIC

No, this isn't a Britney Spears cover. Lyrically, I wanted our answer to Alice Cooper's Poison. This is sung from the antagonist's point of view. "I'm poison. I'm going to ruin your fucking life!" These riffs Steve wrote are super heavy with some colossal grooves. Hearing this song take shape was really rewarding.

07. MIRROR DEMON

My first ever band was called Mirror Demon. We were fucking shit. It would be a stretch to have even  considered us a real band, as we didn't have any complete songs and made a right noise. They were certainly good times though. I got the name from one of the monsters in Steve Jackson & Ian Livingstone's Out Of The Pit, Fighting Fantasy book. For fun, I wanted a song called Mirror Demon on this new album as a tribute. The music started out with a bass riff from Aimee, and we built it from there. The song is about looking at our inner demons and accepting that they can be our best friends as well as our worst enemies.

08. MOLLY LEIGH

The city I live in, Stoke-on-Trent, has it's own ghost story. It's about a woman called Molly Leigh who was accused of witchcraft. You can still visit her grave. As the band is based in Stoke, I thought it would be cool to have a song based on something local. It's a fast, catchy tune and brings the Punk back into the album. Steve's solo at the end sounds like it belongs on a Megadeth record. I love it, and it works so well. 

09. VAMPIRES

If Duran Duran wrote Gothic power ballads, maybe they'd sound like this? I love this song. Luci4's voice truly shines, making this a powerful, emotive piece, with an injection of dark humour.

10. CHUCKY

We've been threatening to write a song about Chucky from the Child's Play films for years. I always imagined it to be an 80's Heavy metal style song, but we never settled on anything. When Steve played me a heavy Doom Metal riff he wrote, the penny dropped and I knew that this had to be our Chucky song. It's crushing, dark, menacing, and everything a song about everyone's favourite killer doll should be.

11. SUGAR-COATED TERROR

This is a melodic sleazy number with plenty of hooks. However, Sugar-coated Terror was a real bitch to write. We re-wrote it so many times that it's barely recognisable from the first demo we made. Our efforts paid off though, as this is a banger. There's also a cheeky nod to The Divinyls in the interlude.

12. TEARS OF THE GODS

If it's pure 80's Gothic Synth-pop you're after, look no further! Had this song been released in 1986, it would have topped the charts worldwide. Well, it would have in my overactive imagination anyway!

13. THIRTEEN STEPS TO THE GALLOWS

This song started out as a few riffs Steve had. Unsure if they'd suit LBD, he played them to me anyway. I loved what I heard, and they gave me 'Hammer Horror' vibes. Initially, I was torn between writing lyrics about Carmilla from the Hammer film The Vampire Lovers, or the version of Countess Bathory from the movie Countess Dracula. What can I say? I'm an Ingrid Pitt fan! In the end, I invented a brand new character that was inspired by both and wrote about her instead, like I did with The Scorpion. Musically, this song is a dark, heavy, epic beast, like a Gothic Alice In Chains. It's certainly a great track to finish the record. 


In addition, there will be some bonus tracks. I'll leave those for another day. Anyway, back to the core songs on the album, I can't state enough that I'm extremely proud of what we've made. I just hope that it reaches as many pairs of ears as possible. If you have just one ear, I hope you love it too! 

If you're still reading, thank you for taking an interest. Please give the record a spin, follow the band on our social media, and most importantly, tell your friends about us. I truly hope that you all enjoy The Witching Hour for many years to come.

Thank you once again, and I hope to see you on tour someday.

**You can pre-order and support our crowd-funding campaign up to the 30th April 2021. CLICK HERE!

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Album Review: CHEZ KANE

 


01. Better Than Love
02. All Of It
03. Rocket On The Radio
04. Get It On
05. Too Late For Love
06. Defender Of The Heart
07. Ball N' Chain
08. Midnight Rendezvous
09. Die In The Name Of Love
10. Dead End Street
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Tuesday, 20 April 2021

Album Review: UNDERKING - At Hell's Gate

 


01. Shadow I've Become
02. Embrace The Arcane
03. World In Flames
04. Oblivion
05. Whispering Death
06. Red Sun Rises
07. The Dream Is Over
08. The Nightmare Ends
09. No Mercy (Featuring Charlotte Corry & Two Eyes Open)
10. Halloween (Misfits cover)

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Monday, 19 April 2021

Album Review: SYD.31 - Machine Ready


 

01. Intro (A Night Visitor)
02. Broken Blank
03. It Came To This
04. Imminent Failure
05. As They Let You Down
06. Collapsing New Stars
07. Demon Night
08. Imitating Art
09. Disassemble Me
10. Machine Ready
11. We Turned The Lights Out
12. Outro (A Visitor Departs)

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Friday, 16 April 2021

Mini-Album Review: SAINT AGNES - Vampire

 


01. Repent
02. Psalm I
03. Vampire
04. Psalm II
05. No Pussy Blues (Grinderman cover)
06. Psalm III
07. This World Ain't Big Enough
08. I'm With You Everywhere I Go
09. Psalm IV
10. Wish (Nine Inch Nails cover)
11. PsalmV

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Thursday, 15 April 2021

Monday, 29 March 2021

Album Review: ROB ZOMBIE - The Lunar Injection Kool Aid Eclipse Conspiracy

 


01 Expanding the Head of Zed
02. The Triumph of King Freak (A Crypt of Preservation and Superstition)
03. The Ballad of Sleazy Rider
04. Hovering Over the Dull Earth
05. Shadow of the Cemetery Man
06. A Brief Static Hum and Then the Radio Blared
07. 18th Century Cannibals, Excitable Morlocks and a One-Way Ticket On the Ghost Train
08. The Eternal Struggles of the Howling Man
09. The Much Talked of Metamorphosis
10. The Satanic Rites of Blacula
11. Shower of Stones
12. Shake Your Ass-Smoke Your Grass
13. Boom-Boom-Boom
14. What You Gonna Do with That Gun Mama
15. Get Loose
16. The Serenity of Witches
17. Crow Killer Blues

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Sunday, 28 March 2021

Album Review: RICKY WARWICK - When Life Was Hard And Fast

 


01. When Life Was Hard And Fast
02. You Don't Love Me
03. I'd Rather Be Hit
04. Gunslinger
05. Never Corner A Rat
06. Time Don't Seem To Matter
07. Fighting Heart
08. I Don't Feel At Home
09. Still Alive
10. Clown Of Misery
11. You're My Rock 'N' Roll

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Saturday, 27 March 2021

Movie Review: DIE INFLUENCERS DIE (2020)



This film recently got my attention when I saw a shout-out for it on Blabbermouth. A Horror film starring Lizzy Borden, a Metal soundtrack, and a story about Instagram influencers getting hacked to death. Fuck yes! What could possibly go wrong?

I generally love low-budget Horror films. The limitations are forgiven, providing there are plenty of other things to love. Entertaining dialogue, cool death scenes, general silliness etc. There's a fine line between 'really cool' and 'a bit shit' in this arena, and sadly, as much as I wanted to love this, Die Influencers Die falls into the latter category.

Unfortunately, the casting isn't great. The 'influencers' are all about two decades too old to be convincing. I get the impression that the writer was aiming this at boomers who hate millennials and the concept of influencers, without actually knowing that much about what influencers actually do. 

Story-wise, it doesn't make a great deal of sense and has more holes in it than a swiss cheese. We start off with a creepy dude who tries to convince a model, Moxie, to have regular sex with him in exchange for social-media likes, or her career will be over. Shortly after she refuses, he kills her and puts her in a fridge. Lizzy Borden's character appears in a puff of CGI smoke and offers her the chance to come back to life to get revenge. She gets her revenge on her murderer pretty quickly, but then decides to kill a bunch of other fuckers too, because "Why not?" 

There's a huge irony here that seems to be lost. The film effectively condemns ego, superficiality, and desperation for popularity. Some of the cast are aging porn stars who have had so much Botox and plastic surgery, they barely look like real humans and more like inflatable sex dolls that have been returned to the factory for being a bit too creepy. 

The death scenes are messy but un-interesting. Lots of orangey blood and sausages. I don't care about any of these characters, and when they get despatched it's ultimately unrewarding. 

Die Influencers Die suffers from an issue that has killed many a movie. The villains are crap. Lizzy Borden's character just looks like him in his stage clothes, and is a whole lot of nothing. He's not scary or intriguing, just a bit crap. Moxie's character is just a psycho in a clown-mask that is also a bit 'whatever'. If you were hoping for a female answer to Terrifier's 'Art the clown', you'll be more disappointed than an orphan at Christmas. I believe someone's desperately attempting to ignite a post-porn career in Horror movies, but has crashed harder than Vince Neil

It's not all bad news though. Frankie Pozos who plays Stue Harrington, the alpha social media guy, is excellent. He has some funny lines and his performance is easily the best thing about this movie. The only other actor who's any good is Katie Morgan, who plays a shallow bimbo. I wouldn't be surprised if these two are full-time actors and the others are just the director's mates or porn stars who are happy to get their tits out for a few dollars.

From the adverts, I was expecting an awesome soundtrack, but again, this movie falls short. There is a small amount of Metal music in the film, which added a little something. The Black Dahlia Murder's heavy riffage works well for the kill scenes. I didn't hear any Lizzy Borden tracks though. I know his My Midnight Things has had a recent music video made up clips from the film, but I didn't notice it in the actual film. You can read my review of his last album HERE. The movie hardly the Metal extravaganza that is was suggested it would be from the article I read.

Die Influencers Die is not the mess that is Danzig's Verotika (click here for review) but it isn't far off. I like what the director tried to do but it just didn't work. I love low budget 80's slashers too, but the elements that made those movies so beloved are missing here. The overall look of the film is over-saturated and horrible, and there's too many shaky camera movements. Add to this the bad dialogue, uninteresting characters (including villains, which is a massive fail), and poor pacing, and it all helps to turn what should have been a quirky, fun Horror flick into an actual nightmare. It's only one hour and fourteen minutes long but it still dragged and I couldn't wait for it to finish.


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EP Review: OBSCURE FATE - Raven's Call

 


01. Black Moon
02. Ancient Evil
03. Lucid Dream
04. Raven's Call

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Thursday, 4 March 2021

Album Review: OMNIMAR - Darkpop

 


01. Wishing For Life
02. Serenity
03. Oxygene
04. Red
05. Music Is My Everything
06. Drama
07. Humans
08. First Snow Day
09. You & I
10. Circulate
11. Secret Plan
12. Feels Like Velvet
13. The Road

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Tuesday, 2 March 2021

Album Review: DURBIN - The Beast Awakens

 


01. The Prince Of Metal
02. Kings Before You
03. Into The Flames
04. The Sacred Mountain
05. The Beast Awakens
06. Evil Eye
07. Necromancer
08. Riders On The Wind
09. Calling Out For Midnight
10. Battle Cry
11. By The Horns
12. Rise To Valhalla

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Monday, 1 March 2021

Album Review: ALICE COOPER - Detroit Stories

 


01. Rock 'N' Roll (Velvet Underground cover)
02. Go Man Go 
03. Our Love Will Change The World (Outrageous Cherry cover)
04. Social Debris
05. $1000 High Heel Shoes
06. Hail Mary
07. Detroit City 2021
08. Drunk And In Love
09. Independence Dave
10. I Hate You
11. Wonderful World
12. Sister Anne (MC5 cover) 
13. Hanging On By A Thread (Don't Give Up)
14. Shut Up And Rock
15. East Side Story (Bob Seger cover)

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Sunday, 28 February 2021

Album Review: THE PRETTY RECKLESS - Death By Rock And Roll

 


01. Death By Rock And Roll
02. Only Love Can Save Me Now (feat. Kim Thayil and Matt Cameron)
03. And So It Went (feat. Tom Morello)
04. 25
05. My Bones
06. Got So High
07. Broomsticks
08. Witches Burn
09. Standing At The Wall
10. Turning Gold
11. Rock And Roll Heaven
12. Harley Darling

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Thursday, 18 February 2021

EP Review: FRIGHT NIGHT - The Maddest Stories Ever Told

 


01. The Killer Must Kill Again
02. Black Angel, White Angel (Danzig cover)
03. Eibon
04. Children Of The Night
05. Devil's Cry

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Tuesday, 16 February 2021

Album Review: TODD LA TORRE - Rejoice In The Suffering



01. Dogmata
02. Pretenders
03. Hellbound And Down
04. Darkened Majesty
05. Crossroads to Insanity
06. Critical Cynic
07. Rejoice In The Suffering
08. Vexed
09. Vanguards Of The Dawn Wall
10. Apology
11. Fractured (Bonus Track)
12. Set It Off (Bonus Track)
13. One By One (Bonus Track)

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Saturday, 13 February 2021

Movie Review: WILLY'S WONDERLAND (2021)

 




Well, this was fun! I've been excited for this movie since seeing the trailer a few weeks ago, and I'm pleased to say that I wasn't disappointed.

Spoilers ahead.

Willy's Wonderland starts with Nicolas Cage driving fast down a road off the beaten track. After running over some spikes, his wheel is popped, and he finds himself being rescued by a dude with a pick-up truck who takes him and his car to his garage. Unfortunately, the tow fee and the repair come to a thousand dollars. There is no internet and the cash machine is out of order, so there's no way he can pay. However, he is given the chance to "work off the debt" by spending the night as a janitor at the abandoned 'fun centre', Willy's Wonderland, to clean the place up ready for re-opening. What Nicolas Cage's character doesn't realise is that Willy's Wonderland was founded by a serial killer, and he, along with several of his serial killer mates, murdered a number of families there. To top off this ridiculous back-story, the serial killers, to avoid arrest, took part in a satanic suicide ritual and put their souls into the mechanical creatures at the centre. 

After several local murders are committed by a giant electronic weasel, law enforcement put two and two together, and come to a deal with it. If he stays in the park, they will feed him. So, basically, Nicolas Cage's accident is a set-up, and he's mean to to be a sacrifice. Unfortunately, they didn't realise that he's Nicolas Motherfucking Cage!

If you were after a film that isn't utterly ludicrous and not riddled with plot-holes, you've come to the wrong place. The film is a little slow at the beginning, and this isn't helped by the fact that Nicolas Cage's character doesn't utter a single word throughout the movie. We get a few grunts and nods, no back-story, but some cool fight scenes. Maybe they didn't have to pay him as much if there was no dialogue?

All of this silliness is entwined with the story of a young girl who, along with her friends, decide to burn Willy's Wonderland to the ground. They stop because they see Nicolas Cage in there, and at least a couple of the group think that it would be wrong to burn a stranger alive in the building. As they try to get him out, they fall through the roof and find themselves trapped in there too. Now we have annoying teenagers ready to be killed in hilarious ways by giant robot creatures that look like they're from Sesame Street! At this point, the movie steps its game up. 

After a night of murder and mayhem, Nicolas Cage and the one surviving girl leave the building in a moment that seems like a cheeky nod to 'From Dusk Til Dawn'. Despite fighting for his life several times, he had managed to clean up the place as agreed. 

I'd say Willy's Wonderland has a lot in common with the Banana Splits (read my review here), which, to be fair, is a much better movie. I think most of the budget on this one went on Nicolas Cage. The violence was to a rewarding level, but I think that a little more creativity and brutality in the death scenes would have elevated the film significantly. 

Having said that, Willy's Wonderland does have enough gore, humour, and memorable moments to be considered both a success and potentially a cult classic. 

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Monday, 1 February 2021

Movie Review: PSYCHO GOREMAN (2020)



Every now and then I discover a movie that ticks so many boxes that it's almost like it was made especially for me. Psycho Goreman is one of those. It's retro-Sci-Fi/Horror with a sharp sense of dark humour, with enough originality and quotable lines to make it a future cult classic.

Spoilers ahead!!

OK, so the movie starts with a pair of siblings, Mimi and Luke, playing 'Crazy ball', and as a forfeit for losing,  Luke has to dig a massive hole in the back garden so Mimi can bury him up to his neck. Whilst digging, they find a glowing gem and Mimi takes it. During the night, a monster digs his way from beneath where the gem was, and it turns out that this monster is a genocidal alien warlord from planet Gigax, who makes his way to a nearby shoe factory and kills some thieves who had been hiding out there. When the kids track the warlord down the following day, it transpires that the alien cannot kill them as Mimi possesses the gem stone, and he has to obey her every word. They name the alien Psycho Goreman and proceed to have fun abusing the powers of the gemstone and getting Psycho Goreman to get up to all kinds of things. Still following? In fairness, I haven't given much more away than the trailer does. If it sounds like your 'thing' so far, you won't be disappointed at all.

As with many of these low(ish) budget movies, one of the keys to success is having excellent actors, and they're all fantastic, bringing this dysfunctional family and other characters to life. It's well paced and the dialogue is snappy and often hilarious. It never drags and is great fun from start to finish. I love the aliens too. Psycho Goreman looks like an upgraded villain from a 90's episode of Power Rangers crossed with an Orc from Lord of the Rings. The 'Planetary Alliance' aliens are great too, looking like characters from Doctor Who on crack. It's worth mentioning that there's a decent amount of gore in the film too. 

Overall, I absolutely loved Psycho Goreman. It has all the ridiculousness of the 80's, humour, wit, and outlandish imagination that I could want. Absolutely superb!

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Sunday, 31 January 2021

Album Review: ACCEPT - Too Mean To Die

 


01. Zombie Apocalypse
02. Too Mean To Die
03. Overnight Sensation
04. No Ones Master
05. The Undertaker
06. Sucks To Be You
07. Symphony Of Pain
08. The Best Is Yet To Come
09. How Do We Sleep
10. Not My Problem
11. Samson And Delilah

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Friday, 22 January 2021

Album Review: NERVOSA - Perpetual Chaos

 


01. Venomous
02. Guided By Evil
03. People Of The Abyss
04. Perpetual Chaos
05. Until The Very End
06. Genocidal Command
07. Kings Of Domination
08. Time To Fight
09. Godless Prisoner
10. Blood Eagle
11. Rebel Soul
12. Pursued By Judgement
13. Under Ruins

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